Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

My problem is I buy outfits I don’t have shoes for and shoes I don’t have outfits for.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Ladies, repeat after me: “I was wrong and I am sorry!”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Shade coming from a tree bearing no fruit could never phase me. Carry on.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s, for woke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,579

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

Just landed via Discord:

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

Going viral on Messenger:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Making waves on Telegram:

“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

Just shared via YouTube:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Shared recently on X:

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Going viral on Twitch:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ew squared 😂☔️🚶‍♂️"

anxiety, everyday, everyday life, house, humor, i, leave, life, people, reactions, sarcasm, social, social anxiety, weather

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

0

2 months ago

humor, idiot, loyal, loyalty, relationship, stage, talking, talking stage, type
If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

0

2 months ago

being, bladder, feel, frustration, great, health, humor, hydrated, hydration, irony, pissed, thing
If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

0

2 months ago

doing, ever, humor, irony, just, last, lesson, life, life lesson, lol, mistakes, nice, opposite, parenting, problem, solve, think, time, try, universe, work
Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

0

5 months ago

age, aging, blurry, encounter, everything, eyesight, hearing, humor, loud, middle, middle age, too, welcome
I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

0

2 months ago

cleanliness, Copperfield, disappear, humor, i, jealous, magic, mess, messy, saying
Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

0

2 months ago

day, end, end of day, frustration, humor, impatience, joke, left, much, patience, sarcasm, time, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

93 shares on Discord this month:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Fall in love? I can barely fall asleep.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

81 shares on X this month:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

60 shares on TikTok this month:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

Trending via Pinterest:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Making waves on Facebook:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Seen just now on Facebook:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Just landed via Instagram:

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I have two reactions when I leave the house: Ew, the people. Ew, the weather.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m the type of idiot to be loyal during the talking stage.

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Why is there so much day left at the end of my patience?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨