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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I think I’m closer to retirement than to a relationship.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, begging for my cat’s attention.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,409

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Breaking via Messenger:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Just shared via X:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Freshly posted on Slack:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

Spotted on Reddit:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Going viral on TikTok:

Less talkie. More kissie.

Broadcasted on X:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

4 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about trusting others despite hidden dangers, humorous and playful in tone.

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Just call me the world's sneakiest skating rink manager! 😄⛸️❄️

humor, i, ice, joke, let, mention, never, people, prank, sarcasm, skate, skating, thin, thin ice, warning

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15 shares on Threads this month:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

30 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

51 shares on Messenger this month:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Making art is making love to the world.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Facebook:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Making waves on Facebook:

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If I got $5 every time I thought of you, I would start thinking of you.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Life begins when you can afford it.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Spotted on TikTok:

“Do it scared!” Thanks, but I have done everything scared. When is it my turn to do it calm?

Breaking via Twitch:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Live now on TikTok:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Spotted on WeChat:

I never had kids because little kids see too many ghosts and that’s something I’d rather not know about.

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Activity Log ✨

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I let people skate. I never mention the ice is thin.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

If you watch soccer backwards, it’s about 11 sad and 11 happy men who nag each other until they get along eventually.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨