Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution will be to stop chasing waterfalls, and stick to the rivers and the lakes that I’m used to.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

The older I get, no.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,355

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Just shared via Threads:

My burning question is who thought a two day weekend would suffice the human body.

Making waves on Reddit:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Spotted on WeChat:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Going viral on WeChat:

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting Black Friday deals feeling like pre-tariff prices, humorous and playful.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the only thing that drops lower than Black Friday prices is my self-control 😂🛒🛍️

before, black, Black Friday, consumer, deal, deals, discount, Friday, humor, i, item, just, love, price, sale, shopping, tariff, tariffs, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on X this month:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

66 shares on Threads this month:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

56 shares on Threads this month:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Adding “scroll for two hours” to my To-Do list, so I won’t do it.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Grandparents are there to help the kids get into trouble and teach them stupid things they wouldn’t think of on their own.

Just shared via WeChat:

I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Spotted on Discord:

Dear music, thanks!

Just shared via TikTok:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

Just landed via Telegram:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Live now on Telegram:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Trending via Pinterest:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love how all the Black Friday deals this year are just the price of the item before the tariffs.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨