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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,757

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Just shared via Slack:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Just landed via TikTok:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Spotted on Slack:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Making waves on Telegram:

She’s a 10, but she says ‘Orwellian’ when it’s clearly ‘Kafkaesque”.

Just shared via Facebook:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

Going viral on Discord:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Butterflies in the stomach are overrated anyway—roach vibes keep you grounded! 🦋➡️🪳😅

butterfly, butterfly feeling, dating, emotions, feeling, feelings, give, having, humor, i, me, miss, people, point, relationships, roach, roach vibe, vibe, vibes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

1 month ago
advice, bathroom, busy, drama, drink, humor, life, life advice, looking, priorities, time, too, water
Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

1 month ago
cool, cool evening, emotional, emotional tension, evening, everyone, humor, interaction, irony, just, lot, man, otherwise, resentment, sarcasm, social, social interaction, tension
I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

1 month ago
bad, bad day, card, cards, cheer, cheer up, credit, credit card, cute, cute pics, day, having, humor, joke, light-hearted, me, pics, send
This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

2 weeks ago
ask, dinner, family, family dinner, holiday, humor, just, life, mashed, mashed potato, me, pass, potato, question, questions, Thanksgiving
I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

2 months ago
appreciate, bond, character, humor, i, interest, james, James Bond, joke, movie, movie character, myself, next, rejection, running, self-deprecating, spy, thank, understanding
My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

1 month ago
appliance, fridge, happiness, humor, life, light, most, people, relationship

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Seen just now on Discord:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

Breaking via YouTube:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Spotted on Slack:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

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Activity Log ✨

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hair is washed. I am finally lovable and capable of loving again.

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

My stress stresses me out to the point where I’m too stressed to deal with my stress.

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

You’re all badass until that dust bunny in the corner is a real spider.

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

I may be sensitive, but everyone else could be a little kinder, too.

Math is like Chinese to me.

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

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I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

I appreciate the interest, but I’m officially removing myself from the running to be the next James Bond. Thank you for your understanding.

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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