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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

My toxic trait is consistently cutting off the resealable part of the bag of frozen vegetables.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

24 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,293

Funny Quotes Topics

17,411

Funny Quotes Images

15,293

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,714

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Breaking via Facebook:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

Just landed via TikTok:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Just landed via TikTok:

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Seen just now on Threads:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Going bananas on X:

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Seen just now on Facebook:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Butterflies in the stomach are overrated anyway—roach vibes keep you grounded! 🦋➡️🪳😅

butterfly, butterfly feeling, dating, emotions, feeling, feelings, give, having, humor, i, me, miss, people, point, relationships, roach, roach vibe, vibe, vibes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

0

2 months ago

arguments, communication, deception, different, gossip, humor, people, self, should, strategy, tell, things, yourself
“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

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2 months ago

another, back, circling, circling back, communication, humor, just, lap, meetings, take, work
Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

0

2 months ago

away, better, cloud, humor, people, positivity, relationships
Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

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2 months ago

air, airplane, am, box, craving, flying, giant, i, juice, metal, metal box, question, stay, tomato, tomato juice, weird, weird question, why
The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

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3 months ago

empowerment, fear, feminine, feminine urge, humor, most, superstition, urge, village, witch
After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

0

2 months ago

activity, after, charge, chores, domestic, domestic life, dryer, fun, fun activity, humor, laundry, life, little, relaxation, should, tumble

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Messenger this month:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

96 shares on YouTube this month:

She was rare. Like a meth head with good teeth.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

I can handle most things in life, but hearing people chew isn’t one of them.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

43 shares on Instagram this month:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

50 shares on Instagram this month:

I smoke weed for my mental health and your personal safety.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

13 shares on Threads this month:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Going viral on Slack:

December calories don’t count. That’s the law.

Breaking via Twitch:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Shared recently on Messenger:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Spotted on WeChat:

Lego bricks are classic educational toys. You step on them once and you can do ballet.

Breaking via Instagram:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨