Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Men, why do you still have the boxes your electronics came in?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Who’s up thinking about the crushing weight of existence?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

It’s finally actually Saturday after just thinking it was Saturday every day for the last five days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,289

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Just landed via Instagram:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Breaking via Snapchat:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Breaking via Telegram:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Shared recently on X:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Still got a great memory and a wallet full of air 😂💸

broke, financial, financial struggle, humor, i, joke, memory, money, remember, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, still, struggle, well, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

0

2 months ago

call, entertainment, humor, i, joke, media, social, social media, still, technology, TikTok, time, watch
Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, astronaut, chimpanzee, greet, horse, horses, just, landing, should, space
My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

0

5 months ago

dead, humor, joke, life, own, relationship, sex, sex life, tombstone
I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

0

2 months ago

emotions, humor, i, mood, mood swing, personality, self-deprecation, swing
A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

0

2 months ago

bank, biology, biology humor, existence, finance, finance humor, high-frequency, high-frequency trading, humor, joke, market, sperm, sperm bank, sperm market, trading, wordplay
Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

0

2 months ago

alike, great, humor, irony, mind, minds, stupid, think, wisdom

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

They are all liars, so just pick the tallest and enjoy.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Working on a laptop outside is an abysmal experience.

37 shares on WeChat this month:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

100 shares on X this month:

“I don’t care!”, he posted, again.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Babe, wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on Indeed until I start to cry.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Going viral on Threads:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

Making waves on Twitch:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Seen just now on Slack:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

Going viral on YouTube:

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Just shared via Twitch:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I remember when I was broke… I’m still broke, that’s why I remember so well.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Great minds think alike, but so do stupid ones.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨