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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

My mom gave me a coffee mug that says “Be your own kind of beautiful” and I’m really trying not to read too much into that.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,560

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Just shared via X:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Just shared via Snapchat:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Just shared via WeChat:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Just landed via TikTok:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Live now on X:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Going viral on X:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about storytelling and drama, humorously highlighting exaggeration in conversations.

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Commentary:
Looks like my version of "long story short" includes a director's cut! 🎬😂📚

act, conversation, exaggeration, humor, i, intermission, joke, long story, say, short, story, storytelling, theater

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Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Slack this month:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

46 shares on X this month:

I came, I saw, I took a selfie as proof that I came and saw.

84 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

51 shares on Twitch this month:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

16 shares on Slack this month:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

Seen just now on Messenger:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

Just shared via Facebook:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Trending via Pinterest:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

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Activity Log ✨

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨