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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Not right now. I’m manifesting.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

Once when I was exercising, I realized that I was allergic to it. I was out of breath, sweating and my heart was racing.

Freshly posted on X:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Freshly posted on Discord:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

Spreading quickly via X:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

Going viral on WeChat:

If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Trending via Reddit:

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Making waves on Instagram:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

Spotted on WeChat:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

2 months ago

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I'm still waiting for that raise from my inner HR department! 😂💼💸

being, boss, humor, i, independence, lot, me, motivation, paid, salary, self employment, should, workplace, workplace humor

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58 shares on Telegram this month:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

82 shares on YouTube this month:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t throw a relationship away just because you don’t agree with their choices, unless they wear Crocs, then it’s okay.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

71 shares on X this month:

Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend. I went out last weekend, and I’m still recovering from that.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

76 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

My future husband is very lucky; he will never stay hungry, because I know so many restaurants with delicious food.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

That annoying moment when you’re texting someone and autocorrect decides to join the conversation.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Never understood when the movie rating says “May contain nudity.” Are there people on the ratings board who aren’t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Making waves on Facebook:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Just landed via Messenger:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Welcome to middle age, where you wake up hungover whether you’ve had a drink or not.

Just landed via Snapchat:

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

Just landed via Slack:

I think it’s very sexy of me to still move with love in a world like this.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Going viral on Discord:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Just landed via Reddit:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

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Activity Log ✨

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Bloopers in movie credits is a lost art form.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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