Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Addicted to eating one gigantic meal a day like a reptile.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

Going viral on Facebook:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Just landed via WeChat:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

For my future, I wish for another planet and a ticket to get there.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Trending via WhatsApp:

You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

Going viral on Telegram:

My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Leveling up my "people skills" when I really just want to caw at everyone and look fabulous in black 🖤🐦‍⬛

around, crisis, crow, fly, goth, hell, humor, i, identity, identity crisis, looking, office, people, people skill, retribution, seeking, skill, skills, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

0

2 months ago

banana, creativity, decide, decision, humor, inventor, language, person, spelling, stop, wordplay
I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

0

16 hours ago

commentary, crowd, discover, human, human right, humor, i, international, international law, irony, law, politics, real, right, rights, skepticism, social, social commentary, wait
Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

0

2 months ago

exhausting, humor, long time, once, realization, realize, relationships, single, time
One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

0

5 months ago

brain, break, distraction, humor, just, mental, mental break, off switch, procrastination, switch
We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

0

2 months ago

architecture, back, bring, building, creature, decoration, freaky, gargoyle, guys, humor, little, need, should, statue
Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

0

5 months ago

confusion, everyone, humor, i, kiss, kisses, love, question, relationship, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Telegram this month:

The title of my autobiography is going to be ‘You’d Think I’d Learn By Now, But Nope.’

13 shares on Telegram this month:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

52 shares on Discord this month:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

46 shares on Threads this month:

I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

68 shares on Threads this month:

They should invent a person for me and me only.

13 shares on Threads this month:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

66 shares on Twitch this month:

The only reason I haven’t gone crazy yet is because I’m just too lazy.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

So I just checked my bank account, and it looks like for Christmas I am getting everyone the thought that counts.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Just shared via Slack:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Going viral on TikTok:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Women aren’t complicated. Just give us attention and leave us alone.

Going viral on Instagram:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Breaking via YouTube:

Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Making waves on Facebook:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

When I say I love the ocean, I mean I love the surface. Whatever goes on beneath has my respect, but it’s none of my business.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Related Funny Posts 🤝

How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?

I can’t wait for the “international law” crowd to discover that “human rights” aren’t real, either.

Once you’ve been single for a long time, you realize how exhausting relationships can be.

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨