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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

The way my phone’s facial recognition pretends not to recognize me, you’d think I dated it.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,420

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If my toddler doesn’t sleep again tonight, I’m running away into the forest.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sure, I’m uncomfortable, but only in situations.

Going viral on Instagram:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Trending via WeChat:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Trending via Discord:

Nobody cleans better than someone who’s pissed off.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

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I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.
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Commentary:
Well, timing is everything with Kanye – it's like catching a shooting star 🌠 in a bottle of Yeezy magic ✨. Just make sure you're in sync with his vibe du jour, and you might just hit the jackpot 💰. Just don't ask during a Taylor Swift rant 😉.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

52 shares on Discord this month:

That awkward moment when someone you hate is breathing.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

65 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

32 shares on TikTok this month:

You’d think the thing in my house with the most cat hair on it would be my cat.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

29 shares on Slack this month:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Obviously, I’m gonna upload pictures with filters and in my best angles. If you wanna see the ugly side of me, come to my house, but bring ice cream.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

All strapless bras need to be taken off the shelves. A total recall. We do not have the technology yet.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,325

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m basically the human version of tangled up Christmas lights.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I need to have a ginger ale about this.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.

Making waves on Telegram:

Pretty cool that we all come together on Christmas and celebrate the birth of Santa.

Spotted on X:

I yelled at my cat and the other cats yelled at me. Like wow, okay, pay my mortgage then.

Trending via Twitch:

If these walls could talk, they would definitely say “Wow, this guy really does add cheese to everything after all!”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Going bananas on Facebook:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

Trending via WeChat:

My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Just shared via X:

I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating all the sweets myself.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

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