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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,277

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Going viral on YouTube:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Just shared via YouTube:

I don’t understand why my cooking was garbage. I did everything right. I drank wine while I cooked. I had a hand towel over my shoulder. Literally everything right.

Just shared via WeChat:

Hate when I view someone’s story, and it’s their birthday.

Live now on Snapchat:

Twitter sucks so much, but randomly there are such funny tweets, so I wait, like a frog, for one delicious fly.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Trending via YouTube:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Spotted on Threads:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

2 months ago

0

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, timing is everything with Kanye – it's like catching a shooting star 🌠 in a bottle of Yeezy magic ✨. Just make sure you're in sync with his vibe du jour, and you might just hit the jackpot 💰. Just don't ask during a Taylor Swift rant 😉.

ask, give, hell, humor, i, Kanye, million, money, right, think, time, timing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

0

2 months ago

dark, humor, irony, life, light, Monday, time, weekend
Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

0

5 months ago

3, benefit, day, days, disease, health, humor, immunity, job, job benefit, life, months, new, new job, office, office humor, sick, sick day, starting, work, work life
When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

0

5 months ago

aspiration, grow, humor, i, ID, lottery, lottery winner, retirement, winner, wish
In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

0

2 months ago

20s, 40s, adulthood, age, changes, expectations, humor, i, just, life, life changes, love, me, relationships, toaster, true, true love, want
For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

0

2 months ago

call, doctor, humor, i, joke, just, medical, medical profession, misunderstanding, oncologist, profession, thought, times
Acceptance truly begins when you ask Alexa to play classic rock and she plays a song that came out when you were in high school.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, age, Alexa, ask, came, classic, classic rock, high, high school, humor, music, nostalgia, play, rock, school, song, technology, truly

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

72 shares on X this month:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

10 shares on X this month:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

23 shares on WeChat this month:

Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

I saw a spider crawl under my kid’s bed and was too tired to go after it, but that’s okay, no living creature can survive that environment.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

93 shares on X this month:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time… What’s your secret?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment between birth and death.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Snow White and the seven dwarves of the menopause; Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful, and Psycho.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Animals be 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,440

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

If you’re a guy and you’re struggling right now, just remember nobody cares, and it does get worse.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

I hate how everything is organic now. I miss chemicals.

Seen just now on Slack:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Spotted on TikTok:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Just landed via YouTube:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Eat like your treadmill is watching.

Seen just now on Facebook:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Live now on WeChat:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

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