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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Do we lazy people actually go to heaven? Or are we being picked up?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,046

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought putting your heart and soul into a relationship would make it work.

Trending via Twitch:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Trending via Reddit:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Spotted on X:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Spotted on Telegram:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Just shared via Threads:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.

Going bananas on Threads:

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Agreed! Let’s just skip straight to Friday! 😴➡️🍹 #WeekendGoals"

after, always, break, day, day off, humor, i, Monday, rest, should, Sunday, think, weekend, work, work break

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

0

2 months ago

adventure, blindly, comedy, dodgy, dodgy situation, Hobbit, humor, i, misadventure, risk, situation, situations, walk, walking
I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

0

2 months ago

confidence, decision, decisions, downfall, humor, humor quote, i, irony, life, life decision, praying, self-awareness, self-deprecating
I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

0

2 months ago

built, discovery, history, humor, i, internet, invention, irony, pyramids
Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

0

4 months ago

beat, erection, fight, humor, joke, morning
I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

0

2 months ago

humor, i, multiple, multiple personality, personality, psychology, score, self-assessment, test
The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

0

2 months ago

better, clean, clutter, echo, house, humor, irony, order, organization, stuff, unsettling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on X this month:

Pronouncing hyperbole like guacamole.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Requesting the Pink Panther theme song at karaoke and just standing on the stage motionless the entire time.

89 shares on Discord this month:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

66 shares on Slack this month:

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Someone taking your parking space at your own home is a different type of anger.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Toasters aren’t governed by that little dial. They have free will.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

Trending via Facebook:

When my friends and I talk about sex, it’s never sexual. It feels scientific, almost.

Just landed via Messenger:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Seen just now on Reddit:

You learn a lot about someone when you marry them. For example, I learned I should have married someone else.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Why would I get married when it’s a well-known fact that only 50% of all marriages end in divorce?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Just landed via Instagram:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.

I figured out how they built the pyramids. No internet.

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨