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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

A good man is hard to find, but a babysitter for Friday night is harder.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Play your cards right and we could be wearing matching fanny packs this summer.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

Spotted on Messenger:

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

Just shared via Instagram:

You’ll never realize how crazy you really are until you fall in love.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Spotted on Snapchat:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Just shared via Instagram:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Going bananas on Reddit:

My skin has so much oil, I’m surprised countries aren’t fighting over who controls it.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

Breaking via Threads:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Agreed! Let’s just skip straight to Friday! 😴➡️🍹 #WeekendGoals"

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69 shares on Threads this month:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

65 shares on Discord this month:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

My morning yoga routine has really helped shift my lower back pain into my upper back.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

Shared recently on Instagram:

(flirting) You’ll be the death of me.

Spotted on YouTube:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Trending via Facebook:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Making waves on X:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Spotted on Telegram:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Going viral on Telegram:

If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

“Just be yourself”—that has gotten me mixed results in the past.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

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Activity Log ✨

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

Keep the laugh going 😂

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat.

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

I’m so grateful when people tell me to drive safe, cause then I remember not to drive off that cliff.

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨