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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Twitter is a weapon of mass distraction.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,513

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I was born tired, and I will die tired. If I ever tell you I’m not tired, I’m probably lying.

Shared recently on Discord:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Praying to God with a Chinese accent, and he is cracking up.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Making waves on Facebook:

They call it a coffin because they’re finally coughing up that inheritance.

Just landed via X:

Gang initiations from the Midwest be like “you have to eat the entire potato salad.”

Making waves on Twitch:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Just landed via TikTok:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

3 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Even the devil knows he's got enough paperwork 😂👹📄

dark, dark humor, devil, humor, i, joke, rejection, said, selling, selling soul, soul, tried

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

0

2 months ago

communication, display, girls, humor, just, ly, relationships, seen, WhatsApp, writing
I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

0

2 months ago

assistant, communication, humor, i, light, light up, say, Siri, someone, technology, voice, voice assistant, wish
I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

0

2 months ago

burpees, exercise, fitness, found, humor, just, motivation, no pain, pain, procrastination, workout
Dear music, thanks!

0

2 weeks ago

dear, gratitude, humor, music, thanks
“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

0

2 months ago

attitude, boldness, confidence, empowerment, independence, individuality, life, living, sass, self-assurance, self-esteem, someone, think, well
Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

0

2 months ago

activity, car, free, fun, fun activity, health, loud, mental, mental health, nice, relief, singing, stress, stress relief, therapy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on TikTok this month:

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Gang members are so lucky to have something to do with their hands in photos.

98 shares on Slack this month:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Tried a smile yesterday and my white blood cells attacked it.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

12 shares on X this month:

“Made with love,” means I licked the spoon and kept using it.

83 shares on X this month:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I calculated my December budget and realized everyone is getting a hug for Christmas.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Live now on Slack:

If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I just tried on my summer wardrobe. The only thing I managed to get into was a state of panic.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Breaking via Telegram:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Just shared via Facebook:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Seen just now on Slack:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I tried selling my soul to the devil, and he said no.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

WhatsApp shouldn’t just display “seen”, but also “lies” and “also writes with other girls”!

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Dear music, thanks!

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Therapy is nice but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨