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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,604

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Making waves on WeChat:

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Shared recently on X:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Trending via Telegram:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Just landed via Threads:

The me who snips coupons needs to communicate better with the me who walks into the stores.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Trending via TikTok:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Going viral on Telegram:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

0
I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.
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Commentary:
"Finding someone who cares for you like Netflix cares about unauthorized account access is the real goal in life. 🕵️‍♂️🔒 Let's hope for a love that's just as vigilant and committed to our well-being! ❤️📺 #RelationshipGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

How many sit-ups do I have to do before I get a six-pack? Please say 5.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

28 shares on Slack this month:

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

87 shares on Pinterest this month:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

81 shares on Telegram this month:

Making a cult with only intuitive introverts so we can all sit in silence, side-eyeing each other suspiciously.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Be nice to me, I may be hot one day.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,330

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

There are two types of people: Those who steal food off your plate and those who you keep in your life.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Asian parents give you unmoanable names so you can focus on your studies.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Spotted on Messenger:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Making waves on YouTube:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Live now on TikTok:

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Live now on WhatsApp:

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

Shared recently on Threads:

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Autumn at last. Sitting on the sofa all day with a blanket and tea and watching movies. Just like in summer, but with a blanket and tea.

Spotted on Reddit:

FOMO? No, I’ve got FOBI. Fear of being invited.

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