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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,351

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Going viral on WeChat:

Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.

Just landed via Slack:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Trending via WhatsApp:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’ve learned the best way to find something that I’ve lost is to buy a replacement one, to make the lost one spontaneously appear.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Trending via Slack:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

People ask you, “are you crazy”, and then get scared when you answer, “yes”.

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

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I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.
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Commentary:
Nephew-level savage: 100, Ego: 0. Guess next time I’ll start with just opening the door! 🏋️‍♂️🚪🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Reddit this month:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

14 shares on Slack this month:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

76 shares on Threads this month:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Have you ever been so stressed that you’re calm?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Not going is the new leaving early.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,651

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Freshly posted on Threads:

For your own sanity, move on like you never knew them, because in reality, you never did.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Just shared via Facebook:

It doesn’t matter how old you are, when it starts thundering and lightning, you go and sit at the window to watch.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Going bananas on Threads:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Just shared via YouTube:

The point of life is going to a good restaurant and getting two cocktails with dinner. That’s it.

Going bananas on X:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Trending via YouTube:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Going bananas on Twitch:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

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