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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

The reason I stay up late is because I don’t want my free time to end, and tomorrow to start.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,677

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Spotted on Telegram:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

Trending via WeChat:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

Trending via Instagram:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Shared recently on Slack:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Someone's ready to launch their 'Trinket Holding Co.' 🎁💕 Just remember: labels are EVERYTHING. 📛😂"

am, everyone, forever, greedy, humor, i, keep, longing, love, obsession, possessiveness, sarcasm, selfish, sentimentality, turn, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

0

2 months ago

advice, cheat, date, dating, ex, humor, i, relationship, say
And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

0

2 months ago

audience, comedy, hilarious, humor, people, room, us
Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

0

2 months ago

bill, doctor, email, emails, finance, good, humor, joke, love, me, medical, outstanding, outstanding bill, pay, payment, sarcasm
Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

0

2 months ago

drunk, drunk shopping, experience, grocery, grocery shopping, humor, hunger, hungry, online, online shopping, relatable, relatable humor, shopping, shopping experience
I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

0

2 months ago

apology, bad, bad experience, coupon, customer, customer service, experience, food, here, humor, restaurant, service, sorry, terrible, terrible food
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

0

2 months ago

activity, balls, confidence, golf, humor, i, lot, sport

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

33 shares on Threads this month:

I’m the kind of introvert who dodges phone calls but sends paragraphs in texts.

31 shares on X this month:

I hate it when I’m outside, and an insect lands and crawls on my glasses, and for a split second, I think aliens have invaded.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Nobody knows my next move. Not even me.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

A hacker called me and said he had all my passwords. I got a pen and paper and said ‘Thank God for that, what are they?’

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

Just shared via Messenger:

I know it’s bad, and you’ve got to shut it down right away, but is there anything more hilarious than a swearing toddler?

Making waves on Slack:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Waiting until 4:59 p.m. on Fridays to send an email, because any response is Monday’s problem.

Shared recently on Slack:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Just landed via Threads:

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.

Spotted on Threads:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wish I could turn everyone I love into a trinket, so I can keep them forever, because I am greedy and selfish.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Whoever is dating my ex, all I can say is: cheat first!

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨