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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

8 pm to 10 pm on a weeknight is the shortest that two hours can possibly be.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Love is in the air, but so is the flu. Wash your hands!

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

My birth year getting a lil too far on those lil scroll lists. I don’t like that.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,249

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Making waves on YouTube:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Trending via X:

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

Making waves on Messenger:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Hey beauty brands who make face creams: 30ml is only enough for an ant’s face.

Making waves on Facebook:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Making waves on Instagram:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

2 months ago

0

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal quest for crucial life data! 📊🥜🍞 Just imagine having a dedicated stats screen for essential metrics like toastiness levels of English Muffins or the precise ratio of peanut butter to muffin! 🤔📈 If only there was a dashboard that could quantify our culinary adventures in such delicious detail! 🥪🤓 #SnackStatsGoals

butter, care, counting, data, eaten, English, English muffin, food, humor, i, life, muffin, peanut, peanut butter, personal, personal data, screen, stats, things, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

0

2 months ago

being, cleaning, feel, glasses, humor, i, joy, know, never, package, perspective, sorry, UHD, upgrade, vision
You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

0

2 months ago

chaos, day, expectation, fast, frustration, humor, office, print, real, reality, technology
Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer the term selective participation.

0

2 months ago

attitude, humor, i, lazy, motivation, participation, procrastination, selective, selective participation, term, ugly, ugly word, word
Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

0

2 months ago

annoyance, call, humor, ignore, ignoring, longer, phone, ring, technology, why
One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

0

2 months ago

building, day, fun, next, pretty, saying, things, young
There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

0

2 months ago

activity, cleaning, ever, every, humor, meditative, mindfulness, perfect, person, plan, planning, reflect, revenge, single, something, time, wronged

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Slack this month:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

83 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

This year is starting to feel like it needs to be left outside until we see if it can act right.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

51 shares on Threads this month:

Life is too short. Tell his mom what he did to you.

50 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The T in depression stands for the therapy places that are immediately available.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

19 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,697

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

“And on the 7th day he rested”. Obviously God had not yet created laundry at that point.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

If I had today’s mind, I wouldn’t have made yesterday’s mistake. But if I hadn’t made yesterday’s mistake, I wouldn’t have today’s mind.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

No email needs to tell me not to reply.

Making waves on TikTok:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

Autocorrect has become our worst enema.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Just shared via TikTok:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

Going viral on Twitch:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

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