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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Learn from the mistakes of others, you can never live long enough to make them all yourself.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

A good audiobook will have you inventing chores to do.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,477

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Just landed via Twitch:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Just shared via Telegram:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

Breaking via Reddit:

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Just landed via Slack:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

2 months ago

0

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the eternal quest for crucial life data! 📊🥜🍞 Just imagine having a dedicated stats screen for essential metrics like toastiness levels of English Muffins or the precise ratio of peanut butter to muffin! 🤔📈 If only there was a dashboard that could quantify our culinary adventures in such delicious detail! 🥪🤓 #SnackStatsGoals

butter, care, counting, data, eaten, English, English muffin, food, humor, i, life, muffin, peanut, peanut butter, personal, personal data, screen, stats, things, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

0

4 months ago

alternate, alternate reality, another, comfortable, dimension, humor, reality, slip, slipping, something
Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

0

2 months ago

cough, drop, drops, floor, hard, humor, joke, mouth, observation, think, wordplay
It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

0

2 months ago

again, attitude, complain, humor, Monday, office, problem, week, work
My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

0

4 months ago

challenge, disagree, disagreement, friend, friends, hit, humor, me, said, therapist, try
These quiet electric cars are really annoying. I have to stop scrolling and look up while walking outside now.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, annoying, awareness, car, cars, distraction, electric, electric car, i, outside, quiet, scrolling, stop, walking
It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

0

5 months ago

alive, call, code, codes, day, email, email verification, every, fabulous, frustration, hot, humor, life, love, modern, modern life, news, nightmare, person, phone, phone call, reading, real, robot, time, verification, verification code, yelling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

80 shares on Twitch this month:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

13 shares on Facebook this month:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

63 shares on TikTok this month:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

49 shares on WeChat this month:

Me: This is a hard escape room. Manager: You’re at work.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 minutes long.

99 shares on X this month:

Relationship status: I’m the only one wearing my hoodies.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s that time of year where every jacket you choose is wrong.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m sorry I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts, and inside jokes as you caring. I’ll think twice before wasting my time again.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Could a mosquito drink blood out of a cup or something or are they legally required to Capri Sun my legs all summer?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,339

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Going viral on Threads:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Making waves on Slack:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Just landed via Reddit:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Just landed via TikTok:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

Just landed via Discord:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Freshly posted on Discord:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

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