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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

What’s a positive thought for beginners? I’ve been getting into optimism lately.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

Trending via Snapchat:

Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Everybody say a little prayer for my husband, he just told me to calm down.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

Trending via TikTok:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Going viral on TikTok:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

Spotted on Telegram:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Trending via Instagram:

Please congratulate me on my cool new position! It is the fetal position; I will be in it for a while.

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
If I suddenly declare my undying love, don't worry, it's just the end of the world as we know it! 💘🌍😂

apocalypse, emotion, expression, humor, i, just, love, relationship, sarcasm, say, talking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

2 months ago

am, drama, fire, humor, i, irony, myself, nonchalant, self, set, unfortunately
Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

2 months ago

almost, bear, bears, candy, common, comparison, funny observation, gummy, gummy bear, gummy worm, humor, nothing, observation, worm
A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

2 months ago

butterfly, comparison, funny comparison, glasses, hair, humor, insect, joke, just, moth
I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

2 months ago

catch, cheaper, cost-saving, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, i, joke, me, membership, money, running, wants
Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

2 months ago

30, frustration, humor, short, sick, time, tired, weekend
Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

2 months ago

Android, iPhone, loyalty, person, stubborn, switch, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Instagram this month:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

89 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just in my room also hating on me.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

69 shares on Slack this month:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

43 shares on X this month:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

If you give me a serious answer to a silly question, I’m giving you a wedgie.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

My diet plan is sometimes, when I’m eating chips, I drop some on the floor, and I don’t eat those ones.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

You told your cat how much you love him, but now it’s morning, the sun is out, you’re sober, and it’s just weird for both of you.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Before you send that email, ask yourself: is this a December problem or a January problem?

Spotted on TikTok:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Going viral on TikTok:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Going bananas on Discord:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I should go to jail so I can focus on the gym.

Just shared via Threads:

What an awful time to be even remotely aware of what is going on in the world.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

The ’90s were a time of blissful ignorance where we expected rock stars to sleep with groupies.

Just landed via WeChat:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

I like running because it’s cheaper than paying for a gym membership. If the gym wants the money I owe them, they’ll have to catch me.

Sick and tired of these 30 mins weekends.

Nobody’s more stubborn than an Android person that won’t switch to iPhone.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨