If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

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Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

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The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

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I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

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Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

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The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

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Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

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Airbnb should have an option if you just want to use someone’s bathroom for a few minutes.