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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Has anybody else completely lost it or is it just me and Kanye?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I just want peace, not a notification every time someone breathes.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Math is like Chinese to me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,944

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Just landed via Instagram:

I love people who are fluent in Spongebob references.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Broadcasted on X:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

At least 80% of my day is spent holding back my inappropriate thoughts.

Spotted on Slack:

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Spotted on Slack:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Shared recently on Threads:

I miss the way I viewed the world before I found out too much about it.

Live now on Discord:

I can do anything, as long as there’s a looming deadline and serious consequences.

If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

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If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.
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Commentary:
Turning a home into a sauna one degree at a time! 🦎☀️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on X this month:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

67 shares on Threads this month:

I have never seen a single “when animals attack” video that I wasn’t rooting for the animal.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

19 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

71 shares on Facebook this month:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

23 folks are currently checking 👀

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes him cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Let the good times roll. Let the bad times crawl. Let the acceptable times do the hopscotch.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,846

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Taking yesterday’s bad mood on a multi-day tour.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Discord:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Going viral on TikTok:

Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I miss you (the money I spent).

Making waves on Telegram:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Trending via Reddit:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Trending via Discord:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

Just landed via Slack:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

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