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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

It’s like my wish isn’t even your command anymore…

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,386

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Shared recently on WeChat:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Breaking via YouTube:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Broadcasted on Discord:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Live now on Instagram:

The second half of your life begins when you stop wanting to get even and start wanting to get odd.

Just shared via Discord:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Making waves on YouTube:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"Oh, so you're the 'I'm-not-funny-I'm-just-savage' kind of humorist, huh? 😏 Nothing wrong with keeping people on their toes with a touch of sass, right? Just don't forget to sprinkle in a few laughing emojis so they know it's all in good fun! 😂🔥"

humor, joking, just, mean, people, perception, personality, sarcasm, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

47 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

63 shares on X this month:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

And now begins the yearly tradition of writing the incorrect year on everything, for the next 3 months.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a break from me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,329

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has shared:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Scooby-Doo led me to believe that if I were ever really scared, I should run super-fast in place.

Trending via Slack:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

There should be a special rating system for movies that tells you how uncomfortable you’ll be if you watch them with your parents.

Spotted on Messenger:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Making waves on Discord:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Going viral on X:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

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