Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

233 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,502

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,502

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

Shared recently on Threads:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

Live now on WhatsApp:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Just landed via TikTok:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Just shared via WeChat:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Spotted on Facebook:

If I was a priest, I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.

Making waves on TikTok:

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to find the balance between "hello" and "stay off my lawn" 😂👋🚫

always, dating, gender, human, humans, humor, interaction, little, man, mean, men, relationship, sleep, think, treat

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

0

2 months ago

count, date, dating, going, humor, joke, me, relationship, sarcasm
I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

0

2 months ago

age, elderly, humor, i, life, life stage, people, perspective, stage, where
I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

0

2 months ago

actually, body, body image, clothing, comfort, exaggeration, fashion, fitting, humor, i, image, much, oversized, oversized T-shirt, size, t-shirt, wear
Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

0

2 months ago

activity, bin, break, childhood, cigarette, equivalent, humor, nostalgia, pencil, school, sharpening, taking
“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

0

2 months ago

am, awareness, conversation, correct, head, humor, i, mind, self, thoughts, unfortunately
You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

0

2 months ago

advice, communication, humor, husband, know, knows, marriage, marriage advice, mastery, relationship, shout, take, thing, understanding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Facebook this month:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

I prayed and accidentally mixed up God and Lord and said Gord. So embarrassing.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

78 shares on X this month:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

I love how a film can be life-changing for one person and boring for another.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

He took my last fry, your honor.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

There should be a day between Sunday and Monday called Hang on a Second.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.

Just landed via X:

Is there a bravery award I can nominate my son for as he managed to eat his toast despite the fact I cut it wrong.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sure the Lego botanical sets are great but dusting them is another story.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Going bananas on YouTube:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Going bananas on Discord:

If you think my posts are ridiculous, you should see some of my life choices.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Seen just now on Slack:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨