Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Tryna choke on gummy bears so my tombstone can read ‘killed by a bear’

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,525

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Making waves on Pinterest:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Trending via WeChat:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Trending via Twitch:

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

Live now on Telegram:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Trending via Reddit:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Live now on X:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Seen just now on X:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Haha, I've reached expert level at using my phone as an invisibility cloak to dodge "talkers" in public! 📵🦸‍♂️🙈

age, communication, contact, eye, eye contact, humor, i, interaction, social, social interaction, someone, talker, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

0

2 months ago

appearance, beauty, comparison, eye, fail, fight, humor, i, joke, looking, makeup, McGregor, pull, smokey, smokey eye
Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

0

2 months ago

air, air-drum, confidence, doing, epic, fun, hate, here, humor, imagine, just, me, music, over, performance, solo, tonight
At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

0

5 months ago

change, dealing, discussing, ever, frustration, grocery, grocery store, health, humor, i, layout, mental, mental health, next, session, shopping, store, therapy, trauma
Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

0

4 months ago

Christmas, Christmas tree farm, digger, farm, flirting, fly, gold, gold digger, grandpa, hand, hand rubbing, hands, humor, me, night, rubbing, shit, told, tree, woman
Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

0

6 months ago

anticipation, communication, couple, couples, humor, i, long distance, long-distance relationship, love, relationship, wait, waiting
Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

0

2 months ago

cake, dessert, eat, enjoyment, food, fork, harder, humor, much, plastic, plastic fork

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Slack this month:

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Funny that all this nonsense just stayed in people’s heads before Twitter came along.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

39 shares on Slack this month:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

What is the morning wood equivalent for women, and why do I always have it?

23 shares on Discord this month:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I forgot to sweep up some crumbs earlier, and I just heard an ant moaning in pleasure as he discovered the bounty.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

“Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Making waves on Pinterest:

They say money doesn’t solve all problems, but it will surely solve all of mine.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Just shared via Reddit:

I stopped writing “Feel free to reach out if you need anything else” at the end of my emails because please don’t do that.

Shared recently on Threads:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Why do women complain about size but moan when fingered?

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Spotted on Messenger:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m at the age where I won’t make eye contact with someone because they look like a “talker.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Tried to pull off a smokey eye, ended up looking like I went three rounds with McGregor.

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Long-distance couples be like, “I can’t wait,” and then they wait.

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨