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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Your brain automatically translates WTF but not LOL.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I did 30 minutes of chores, time for a 7-hour break.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Netflix and chi…cken nuggets.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,663

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

Three drinks in and that skateboard outside is looking rideable.

Just shared via Slack:

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Just landed via TikTok:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I am not someone you have to entertain if you invite me, because I will have canceled.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I feel bad for Slash. He bought a goofy hat in like 1986 and now he has to wear it until the day he dies.

Going viral on Twitch:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

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I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.
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Commentary:
"That’s one small step for cats, one giant leap for feline-kind! 🐾🌕🐱"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Getting emotional thinking about everything SpongeBob has been through and his resilience despite it all.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Tried Adderall to help my productivity but now I’m just intensely aware of all the things I should be doing.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

25 shares on Reddit this month:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

99 shares on Slack this month:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m too much for you, then go and find less.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

This book ain’t got no pictures.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,674

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I’d like to thank the municipal snow plow for recreating the wall from Game of Thrones at the end of my driveway.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

“Dating pool” is incredibly optimistic. More like dating drainage.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Seen just now on TikTok:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Making waves on Telegram:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I need to hire someone to just constantly slap food out of my hand.

Just landed via Instagram:

“You’re so quiet.” Thanks, I’m not comfortable around you.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Live now on Instagram:

Defeating imposter syndrome by actually being incompetent.

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