Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Can I come over and be your midnight snack?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I would like even faster food.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Spotted on Twitch:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

Going viral on Reddit:

I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Making waves on YouTube:

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Going bananas on Slack:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Going viral on Slack:

If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Broadcasted on X:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Just shared via X:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the secret ingredient to my quirky charm: hose water! 💧🤪 #VintageHydration"

childhood, drank, drinking, drinking water, hose, humor, i, nostalgia, personality, playful, silly, water, water drinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

0

2 months ago

choices, cool, dating, Halloween, humor, men, nothing, relationships, spooky
The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

0

3 months ago

celebration, effect, humor, kiss, life, play, real, real life, romance, should, sitcom, someone, sound, sound effect, track, whenever
Muting morons is good for your health.

0

2 months ago

good, health, humor, moron, muting, positivity, self-care, wellness
“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, answer, asked, beautiful, beautiful woman, dating, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate answer, interview, job, job interview, situation, social, social situation, weakness, woman, women, workplace
Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

0

1 month ago

class, education, ending, hello, homework, humor, i, leave, lecture, main, movie, only, point, professor, reach, reading, right, sarcasm, student, timing, yell, yelling
Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

0

2 months ago

again, coworker, coworkers, day, even, every, guy, never, quit, think, year’s

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Discord this month:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I just think we should kiss. And kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss. But that’s just me.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just looked around and realized it’s everyone’s first time living.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Spotted on Threads:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

They say we learn from our mistakes, that’s why I’m making as many as possible. Soon I’ll be a genius.

Live now on X:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Making waves on WeChat:

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.

Just landed via YouTube:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Trending via Instagram:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you, you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Going bananas on Discord:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Just landed via TikTok:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Muting morons is good for your health.

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨