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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

Wait, making the right choices is an option?!

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,535

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Referring to my boss’s wife as my boss-in-law.

Just shared via TikTok:

Letting the sun have its way with my freckles today.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I think nervous flatulence would be helpful if you were ever kidnapped.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Just shared via Threads:

My only regret is not leaving people alone the first time they moved funny.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Just shared via Telegram:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I love the idea of a fruitarian, just morally affronted that anyone could eat a baby spinach.

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

3 months ago

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Commentary:
If only Netflix binging and couch lounging were Olympic sports, I'd have more gold than Michael Phelps! 🛋️🏆🍿

doing, doing nothing, good, humor, i, laziness, motivation, nothing, paid, payment, procrastination, skill, wish, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

0

2 months ago

adventure, dragon, fantasy, humor, i, once, quest, toast
I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

0

2 months ago

cold, deserve, humor, i, irony, self-reflection, suffer, understand, winter
I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

0

2 months ago

activity, apathy, avoidance, humor, i, interaction, laziness, procrastination, social, social interaction
The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

0

2 months ago

always, hour, hours, humor, Monday, time, weekend, work, worst
The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

0

2 months ago

card, humor, i, joke, magic, magician, me, pick, told, trick, Visa
Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

0

2 months ago

comfort, expense, fortune, heating, humor, indoor, inside, irony, just, know, outdoor, outdoor heating, people, practicality, spend, temperature

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Roses are red, violets are blue, sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no, this is just gardening facts.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

I lied, there is no sex. You’re helping me repot plants.

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Nobody bools anymore. In high school, everyone was booling.

76 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

15 shares on Telegram this month:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’re going to be weird, be confident about it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

Live now on Discord:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Just shared via TikTok:

Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

Just shared via Reddit:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Breaking via Facebook:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Live now on Twitch:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Just shared via Reddit:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Spreading quickly via X:

That one friend who has a dangerously loose grasp on food safety.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Once I find a dragon, y’all are toast.

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

I’m not actively avoiding you. I don’t actively do anything.

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Do people who spend a fortune on outdoor heating know they can just go inside?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨