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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Just know that somebody out there is thinking of you, and you should really lock your doors.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“New password cannot be your old password” makes me so mad.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Just landed via Messenger:

Got so emotional thinking about the Toy Story aliens. They have each other.

Just landed via Instagram:

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Making waves on YouTube:

There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

You unfollow me because you are afraid of falling in love with me. I know!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about aging and apathy, with a humorous, laid-back vibe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Getting older: more "meh" energy, less "why" energy 😂🤷‍♂️✨

actually, aging, aging humor, aging joke, anything, apathy, care, cynicism, energy, figure, humor, joke, just, life, life perspective, older, perspective, wisdom

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on X this month:

Keep posting, I’m diagnosing you.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

33 shares on Reddit this month:

Milk or be milked.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

55 shares on Slack this month:

This meeting could have been an unread email.

76 shares on Threads this month:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

52 shares on Messenger this month:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They say dress for the job you want, but this baby diaper isn’t very comfortable.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Why’d they call it a fly swatter and not a splatula?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

I wonder how much time The Weeknd saves not typing that extra e.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

We can do things two ways. My way or the right way.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Just landed via Reddit:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Going viral on Discord:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

Live now on Facebook:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Going bananas on Discord:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Going bananas on YouTube:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Play the Grindr notification noise at Christmas dinner to see which conservative relatives panickedly check their phone ringer.

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨