Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Oh, the eternal struggle of wanting to devour everything in sight but also magically lose weight! 🍔🤷‍♀️ Who needs logic when you can just skip straight to the end result, right? 🤣 #DietDilemmas

diet, eat, eating, fitness, food, health, humor, i, just, less, simple, simplicity, want, weigh, weight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

0

2 months ago

adult, child, childhood, describe, humor, i, long child, maturity, myself, self-description
Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

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2 months ago

awkwardness, breast, breast milk, childhood, confession, conversation, drinking, drunk, humor, i, me, milk, mom, parent-child, talking, time
Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

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2 months ago

cheering, family, games, kid, kids, parenting, rain, rest, softball, sports, Sunday, team, weekend, winning
I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

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2 months ago

adulthood, age, favorite, favorite thing, humor, relaxation, sit, thing, where
Man, these end times are taking forever.

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2 months ago

end, end times, forever, humor, joke, man, taking, time, times
Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

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2 months ago

always, brag, checkout, checkout line, funny observation, grocery, grocery store, humor, i, line, moving, observation, pick, shopping, slow, store

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Instagram this month:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

12 shares on Threads this month:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

56 shares on Discord this month:

I have a lot in common with AI. We occasionally provide incorrect information with a confident tone.

17 shares on Instagram this month:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

92 shares on X this month:

Lucky for me, I don’t have enough friends for an intervention.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

Friends with consequences.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Bring me a higher love. You have 24 hours. No cops.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m a fully functional adult with the energy levels of a hibernating bear.

Just landed via X:

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax, and rich people can go to jail.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Making waves on X:

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Live now on YouTube:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

My passport probably thinks I’m in prison.

Spotted on Twitch:

I love coming home and being at home and sitting inside my home and staying home.

Making waves on YouTube:

My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨