Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Please make sure you are only drinking as much water as you REALLY need. We need that for the data centers. If you’re thirsty, AI is thirsty too.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

You can fake a smile, but you can’t fake jazz hands.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Trending via Threads:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Just shared via Slack:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Live now on Telegram:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Has anyone else noticed that it’s hard to do things when you don’t want to?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Making waves on Instagram:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Just landed via Messenger:

My favorite yoga pose is reaching for the remote control on the far end of the table without falling off the couch.

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess that means I'm officially part water now… mermaid transformation begins! 🧜‍♂️💧

big, drank, drink, glass, health, humor, hydration, i, inform, just, regret, right, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, concept, humor, i, irony, love, person, rain, reporter, seeing, stand, storm, storms, suffering, weather, wind
On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

0

3 months ago

babe, communication, contact, contacts, full, full name, government, government office, humor, i, identity, love, name, never, nickname, office, phone, phone contact, relationship, save, saved, texting
They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

0

4 months ago

alive, enjoy, financial, financial joke, finished, humor, joke, life, money, said, short, short life, spending, still, survival
Please respond to my telepathic messages.

0

3 months ago

communication, humor, message, messages, please, respond, telepathic, telepathy
I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

0

2 months ago

agree, attention, comment, constant, humor, i, media, need, online, people, share, social, social media, stand, validation
The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

0

2 months ago

Christmas, disturbance, holiday, humor, new, new year, space, time, week, wormhole, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on YouTube this month:

Your twenties are for destroying and betraying yourself for nothing.

11 shares on Threads this month:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

27 shares on Discord this month:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always known I wanted to be a woman with a lot of money when I grew up.

100 shares on Threads this month:

I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

31 shares on Pinterest this month:

When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

They should invent a word for when you’re alive but not really living.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

34 shares on X this month:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Ground beef implies the existence of sky beef.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Avocado is just green butter.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

Just landed via X:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Just shared via Telegram:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨