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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Christmas is coming and you’re not.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

It’s so hot, I just saw a squirrel fanning its nuts.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

It’s so foggy outside. Y’all gotta stop vaping.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

If I eat a magnet, will I become more attractive?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Stress in private, complain on Twitter, happy in public.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

69 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,338

Funny Quotes Topics

17,456

Funny Quotes Images

15,338

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,681

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

Just landed via Threads:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Just shared via TikTok:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Going bananas on Threads:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Don’t go chasing waterfalls? The place where many video games hide easter eggs and other rare items?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, looks like I need a loan because my cat just hired a lawyer 😂🐱💸

bribe, cat, give, humor, ID, just, meow, meowing, money, pet, stop, told

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

0

2 months ago

bonus, Christmas, colonoscopy, DVD, gift, humor, letter, medical, personal, year
My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

0

2 months ago

adventure, aspiration, bag, big, career, goal, humor, main, moment, money, treasure, woods
Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

0

2 months ago

buying, disease, else, everyone, fashion, favorite, humor, interest, making, me, multiple, nostalgia, personal, personal interest, priorities, sh, shopping, spread, time, time travel, travel, wars
There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

0

2 months ago

body, cartoon, comedy, dead, dead body, doo, found, gang, humor, investigation, mystery, never, scooby, Scooby Doo
I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

0

3 weeks ago

common, dance-off, expectation, going, humor, i, impromptu, interaction, social, social interaction, thought
I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

0

4 weeks ago

age, asleep, fall, fall asleep, frisky, humor, movie, movie theater, relationship, theater, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Headless mannequins are great because they let you see how you’ll look wearing a new shirt after you’ve been decapitated.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

29 shares on Threads this month:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Zara makes clothing for occasions that don’t exist.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

One of the main reasons to drink tea is because you can say, ‘Let me put the kettle on,’ and stuff like that.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

My favorite part about health insurance is how your teeth and eyeballs are add-ons.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

They’re making me do work at work.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I’m only an introvert until I meet people worth extroverting with.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Going viral on Telegram:

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

Going bananas on Threads:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Spotted on YouTube:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨