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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Hawk o the mornin tuah

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,280

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

Just shared via Telegram:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Making waves on Slack:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Trending via Snapchat:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
At least you won't be losing beauty sleep! 😴😂✨

confidence, crazy, humor, i, knowing, never, night, self-acceptance, sleep, ugly

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

0

2 months ago

doing, doing nothing, humor, just, know, life, much, nothing, overwhelm, procrastination, productivity, relaxation, sit, tasks
Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

0

2 months ago

baking, calling, compliment, cookie, food, food humor, humor, irony, someone, tough, tough cookie, worst, worst cookie
Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

0

2 months ago

attitude, day, humor, i, ignore, ignore someone, imagine, life, lifetime, resilience, rest, ruin, sarcasm, someone, trying
When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

0

2 months ago

communication, family, humor, kid, manager, parent, saying, speak, where
Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

0

2 months ago

again, fine, humor, independence, just, man, own, purpose, relationship, remind, reminder, self-reliance, simply, sometimes
I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

0

2 months ago

able, age, applaud, close, getting, humor, life, milestones, people, still, things, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

25 shares on Snapchat this month:

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

81 shares on X this month:

Waking up early is always beneficial. You just gotta make it past those first 10 minutes of being irritated.

92 shares on Slack this month:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

Being in your 20s is crazy because, why did you stay with someone you were that incompatible with for that long?

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

How many of y’all are “burn a CD” and “lime wire” old?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Dry January is so funny. People are like, “How can I make the worst month of the year even worse?”

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I hope you celebrate your birthday like your birth – naked and screaming.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Just landed via WeChat:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Going viral on Messenger:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Making waves on YouTube:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Live now on YouTube:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m a strong, independent woman, but like, against my will.

Spotted on Telegram:

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

Shared recently on X:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Just shared via WeChat:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨