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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

I have money, then I don’t have money, it all happens so fast!

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,569

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Spotted on Threads:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Look away from your laptop for 1 second, and MS Teams will say you left the country.

Just shared via Discord:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Just landed via Reddit:

I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

British people be like “I was born in E-sex, grew up in Woke Ham, moved to Man Chest Hair, went to uni in Rotten Stall.”

Seen just now on Telegram:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about the dull cycle of weekly routines and unfulfilled love fantasies.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like my love life is perpetually stuck in the spin cycle 🌀😅📅

actually, butterfly, fall, Friday, humor, laundry, love, mental, mental prep, Monday, prep, procrastination, relationship, Saturday, stomach, stress, Sunday, weekend, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

3 weeks ago

am, fear, Halloween, holiday, humor, i, joke, over, scare, scared, spooky, still, why
I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

2 weeks ago

desire, feminism, humor, i, irony, modern, relationship, upsetting, want, ways
What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

1 week ago

best, criticism, crying, easily, employment, handle, humor, irony, job, laughter, sensitivity, someone
You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

2 weeks ago

conversation, humor, ologist, sarcasm, smart, sound, wit
I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

1 week ago

children, family, fear, humor, joke, kid, kids, parenting, sex
Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

1 week ago

alone, alone time, humor, never, opinion, opinions, peace, quiet, solitude, time, unsolicited

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

84 shares on Discord this month:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

57 shares on Slack this month:

I am MTV, still played music videos, years old.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.

37 shares on Telegram this month:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

49 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

76 shares on X this month:

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

My desire to be informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I can understand why chickens wake up and scream.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

The worst part of getting struck by lightning is everyone seeing your skeleton.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

There are no adults in the room. The cavalry is not coming. Everything was built by people no smarter than you.

Just shared via WeChat:

Not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time I truly felt free.

Spotted on YouTube:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Just landed via WeChat:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Live now on Slack:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Live now on Twitch:

Never let your job prevent you from acting unemployed.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Shared recently on X:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Keep the laugh going 😂

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

I want him in ways that are deeply deeply upsetting to modern feminism.

What’s the best job for someone who cries very easily and cannot handle any criticism?

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨