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โ€œWinter is literally the best season.โ€ Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

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Donโ€™t ever let your computer feel that youโ€™re in a hurry, cause theyโ€™re gonna slow down more.

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Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

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Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows Iโ€™m from the 1900s.

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Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

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Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

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Billionaires didnโ€™t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

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One thing nobody gives pigeons enough credit for is their ability to get out of the way on the sidewalk. A lot of you could learn a thing or two from them.

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No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

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No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

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Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

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Sounds like my love life is perpetually stuck in the spin cycle ๐ŸŒ€๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ“…



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