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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I would like even faster food.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I don’t need a midlife crisis. My whole life is a crisis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,599

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Going viral on Discord:

No, you don’t understand. This is my special mistake. I keep making it because it is very dear to me, like an old friend.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Bluesky honestly feels like a miracle where you take the most annoying people in the world and stick them in a broken elevator together.

Just shared via Threads:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Shared recently on WeChat:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Spotted on WeChat:

I usually don’t flirt, so if I flirt with you, please cooperate.

Spotted on Instagram:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Trending via Slack:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.

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Luckily, I realized that all this love I want to pour into someone else was actually meant for me.
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Commentary:
Guess who just became their own soulmate! 🤣❤️💁‍♀️ #SelfLoveChampion

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

16 shares on X this month:

Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

25 shares on Slack this month:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

91 shares on Reddit this month:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

62 shares on X this month:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

67 shares on Instagram this month:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Forget carrying me to bed; carry me to the end of the workweek. Then we can talk.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Would rather walk around a shop 500 times to find something than ask a member of staff who works there like a normal person.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I have friends in high places (birds).

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,550

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

At the end of the day, it’s the friend that doesn’t take your ghosting phases personally.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

If my neighbors keep fighting like this, I might need to cancel some of my streaming services.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Going bananas on Messenger:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I know life can be tough, but you still gotta wear deodorant.

Making waves on Slack:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

Just landed via Twitch:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Broadcasted on Slack:

No one told me adulting would involve trying to avoid so many scams.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

Going viral on Twitch:

Diet hack: Spend your money filling up your gas tank so you won’t have money for groceries.

Breaking via Pinterest:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

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