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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Can someone write me a note to get out of being a responsible adult?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I think my type is a nice person.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

There are too many neglected emojis.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,547

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Live now on Facebook:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Every man’s biggest fear is trying a new barber.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Just landed via YouTube:

My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you’re talking and not hear a single word you said.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Just shared via Reddit:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

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Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Finally, a valid reason to haunt the living: bathroom breaks! 🚽👻

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on X this month:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

65 shares on X this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

32 shares on TikTok this month:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

22 shares on WeChat this month:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need a break from me.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Showering & getting in bed is literally one of the best combos ever.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,368

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Going out to eat and shopping by yourself is actually one of the most peaceful and therapeutic things ever.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

“Yeah no” is my favorite combo.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Freshly posted on X:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Trending via Slack:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

Spotted on TikTok:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Seen just now on X:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Trending via Snapchat:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Seen just now on Discord:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Live now on Messenger:

Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

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