Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Dating profiles should make you share a sound bite of you sneezing.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

We’ve got a shituation here.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,452

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Discord:

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

Just landed via Facebook:

Men who tell their woman she’s pretty, for no particular reason, keep that shit up.

Live now on YouTube:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

Spotted on Facebook:

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

Freshly posted on X:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My therapist should also do my nails while we’re talking.

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

3 weeks ago

Clever humorous quote about vampires questioning mortals' alcohol intake in a playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me at 2 AM asking for 'drink preferences' 😂🥂 #VampireBartender"

alcohol, dark, dark humor, drinking, hours, humor, last, me, mortal, sarcastic, supernatural, tell, vampire, vampire humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

3 weeks ago

day, escape, every, exercise, fitness, humor, leg, leg day, motivation, problem, problems, running
Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

1 month ago

comedy, diet, food, grains, humor, vegan, zombie
Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

3 weeks ago

gravity, holding, holding up, humor, joke, me, physics, pun, sick, tired
I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

1 month ago

Authenticator, frustration, humor, logging, logging in, microsoft, sarcasm, sick, technology, work
The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

1 month ago

avoidance, finance, humor, joke, loan, shark, specy
Somebody needs to get my shit together.

1 month ago

humor, motivation, need, needs, procrastination, self-improvement, shit, somebody, together

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

11 shares on Messenger this month:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

82 shares on Slack this month:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

63 shares on YouTube this month:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a jacuzzi.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Messenger:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

Trending via YouTube:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m sorry I roasted you, I was trying to flirt.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Just landed via Telegram:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Making waves on Messenger:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Making waves on Instagram:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Every day is leg day when you’re running from your problems.

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

I’m sick of the Microsoft Authenticator. Like, who would be logging in to do my work?

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

Somebody needs to get my shit together.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨