Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

No, I don’t like nature. I can’t respect anything that would so flippantly turn dinosaurs into birds.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The sandwich I made for lunch didn’t even make it until 10am.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,561

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via YouTube:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Trending via WeChat:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Just landed via Slack:

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1.

Seen just now on Discord:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Just landed via YouTube:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Trending via YouTube:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Shared recently on X:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Just shared via Slack:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me at 2 AM asking for 'drink preferences' 😂🥂 #VampireBartender"

alcohol, dark, dark humor, drinking, hours, humor, last, me, mortal, sarcastic, supernatural, tell, vampire, vampire humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

0

2 months ago

celebration, cold, darkness, distant, filled, honor, humor, i, irony, seasonal, solstice, winter, winter solstice
Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

0

2 months ago

25, bliss, couple, happy, humor, husband, irony, love, marriage, relationship
Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

0

2 months ago

before, crazy, i, me, psychiatrist, question, seeing, start
The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

0

5 days ago

band, Floyd, humor, joke, little, music, pink, Pink Floyd, rock, rock band, singing, slow, slow start, start, take, thing, while
People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

0

2 months ago

everyday, everyday struggle, height, height problem, humor, people, problem, realize, say, spiderweb, struggle, tall, times, want
Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

0

3 weeks ago

book, book recommendation, books, brain, brain rot, fiction, humor, reading, recommendation, return, rot, self-help, self-help book

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Messenger this month:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s two sides to every story, and then there’s these screenshots I got.

87 shares on Telegram this month:

“Where did all your money go?” I’m either wearing it or eating it.

84 shares on X this month:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

72 shares on YouTube this month:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Adulting’s a total scam. Bills, taxes, and a laundry pile that breeds in the dark, were not in the brochure!

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

34 shares on Messenger this month:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

47 shares on Threads this month:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Imagine being social on social media.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Dating a smart man, so I actually can turn my brain off when he is around.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Making waves on Reddit:

I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

Seen just now on Slack:

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Trending via Instagram:

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I just paid my taxes. The roads should be fixed any day now.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨