Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at intimacy.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Life hack: if you run out of treadmill space for your clothes, get a piano.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

210 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,479

Funny Quotes Topics

17,544

Funny Quotes Images

15,479

Updated

Jan 4, 2026

Users Online

3,586

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Just shared via TikTok:

How can you not appreciate a drunk text? Someone is absolutely off their face and still thinking of you.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Spotted on Facebook:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The older you get, the farther away your toenails are when they need a trim.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Just shared via Twitch:

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me at 2 AM asking for 'drink preferences' 😂🥂 #VampireBartender"

alcohol, dark, dark humor, drinking, hours, humor, last, me, mortal, sarcastic, supernatural, tell, vampire, vampire humor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, death, God, going, humor, irony, maker, meet, mingle, people, say, someone, staff
I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

0

2 months ago

brag, forget, forgetfulness, humor, i, mean, memory, saying, speaking, while
Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

0

3 months ago

adult, adult industry, collar, corporate, corporate office, developer, humor, imagine, industry, job, office, office job, Pornhub, weird, weird job, whatever, white, white collar, working, workplace, workplace humor
I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

0

2 months ago

blank, fitness, forgetfulness, gym, humor, i, irony, just, memory, name, saying
Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

0

2 months ago

adult, age, humor, irony, maturity, me, mistake, people, self-perception
My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

0

2 months ago

better, body, body confidence, confidence, humor, just, lighting, self-deprecating, summer, summer body, winter, winter body

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on YouTube this month:

I hope the aliens aren’t good at basketball. My chances of making it into the NBA are already slim.

46 shares on X this month:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

52 shares on Discord this month:

I love when I get an email from a brand saying “we miss you!” with no coupon attached. Babe, a lot of people miss me, let’s be competitive here.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

69 shares on Twitch this month:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

60 shares on Snapchat this month:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

84 shares on Facebook this month:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Trending via Pinterest:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

Trending via TikTok:

Dear Santa, Money!

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I need a job where I don’t actually have to work.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Just landed via Slack:

I am listening to Pharrell Williams’ smash hit song “Happy,” and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress.

Live now on Twitch:

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨