Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Responding to any and all emails with ‘wow ok’

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I had feelings. I’ll replace them with jokes right away.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next you’re saying, “I wonder how old this tree is.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,581

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Making waves on Reddit:

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Shared recently on Discord:

Sometimes my toddler throws stuff on the floor and then shouts “OH NO” and that’s kind of like what politicians do.

Just shared via Threads:

He who laughs last didn’t get it.

Trending via Discord:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Going viral on Discord:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Trending via Reddit:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m not afraid of ghosts because everyone who’s mad at me is still alive.

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Me imagining a sunset in Paris, while my wallet is packing marshmallows for a tent adventure 😂🏕️💸"

account, bank, bank account, budgeting, camping, Europe, financial, going, humor, me, planning, summer, summer vacation, travel, travel planning, vacation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

0

2 months ago

alarm, alarm clock, better, clock, day, freedom, leisure, next, next day, no work, nothing, relaxation, rest, sleep, work
Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

0

2 months ago

ever, hearing, humor, husband, marriage, nobody, plans, relationship, second, surprise, time, wife
If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

0

2 months ago

cleaner, dark, electricity, house, humor, keep, looks, save
Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

0

2 months ago

before, checkout, checkout line, everyone, experience, filled, frustration, humor, life, line, mine, never, people, picking, shopping, talent
Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, better, drunk, fun, honesty, humor, left, people, social, things, unsaid
My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

0

2 months ago

habits, humor, insomnia, lifestyle, pattern, rest, sleep, sleep habits, sleeping

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

19 shares on Discord this month:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

89 shares on Threads this month:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

88 shares on WeChat this month:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

73 shares on Discord this month:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

54 shares on Twitch this month:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

53 shares on Slack this month:

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

16 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Today’s the day I’m gonna’ make the onions cry.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Breaking via Slack:

People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.

Making waves on X:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Going viral on Facebook:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Just shared via TikTok:

I enjoy the freedom of speech, because if you let crazy people talk, they’ll totally tell you they’re crazy.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

Going viral on Twitch:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨