My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

3 weeks ago

Commentary:
Sounds like your heart's on a permanent staycation! 🏖️💖🤯

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The idiot’s diet is just biting your tongue.

2 months ago

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If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

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Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

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During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

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An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

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I saw God in a dream and all he did was brag about making Pedro Pascal.

2 months ago

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