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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Coffee, because I don’t have time for a manslaughter charge.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Back to the Future and chill?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

High school crushes were crazy because, why the hell was I running all over school just to catch a glimpse of him.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,705

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Making waves on Threads:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Freshly posted on X:

A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.

Making waves on Instagram:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Just landed via TikTok:

Today’s toddlers can switch on laptops and use apps. When I was little, I ate sand.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Making waves on Instagram:

I had zero respect for my boss until he started appearing exclusively by hologram.

Going viral on TikTok:

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

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Commentary:
"Why sleep under the stars when you can binge-watch under a blanket? 🌟🍿 #TeamIndoorCamping"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

68 shares on WeChat this month:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

One thing I love about the internet is seeing some of the most hateful people posting inspirational quotes.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

If there was a pill for procrastination… I’d probably take it tomorrow.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

61 shares on TikTok this month:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

78 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

86 shares on Discord this month:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

What a strange day. And it has been for years.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Once your parents move from “What time are you coming back” to “Are you coming back today,” you have won the war.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Got banned from the sauna at my gym for saying “steam me up, Scotty” a few too many times.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,718

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

If I worked for UPS, there would be a 100% chance I’m falling out that open door when I turn a corner too fast.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Commenting “AI slop” on a high school acquaintance’s Instagram post of their newborn baby.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

I love when dudes are named Guy. Like, yeah. Exactly.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

Live now on X:

My toxic trait is that I give my friends mental health advice when I belong in an asylum.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

Just shared via YouTube:

Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

Shared recently on Slack:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Just shared via Instagram:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Just landed via Slack:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

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