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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

May the algorithms be with you.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Nothing prepares you for the day you wake up and realize you have a favorite cardigan.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I have thought one billion times about everything.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

If life was a video game, right now would be the time where I randomly press buttons because I don’t know what to do.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

Just shared via WeChat:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Going bananas on Slack:

Line dancing was created by women waiting to use the restroom.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Going viral on Facebook:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Going viral on WeChat:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about preferring staying home over camping, highlighting humorous laziness.

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Commentary:
"Why sleep under the stars when you can binge-watch under a blanket? 🌟🍿 #TeamIndoorCamping"

activity, camping, favorite, going, home, humor, i, introvert, joke, outdoor, outdoor activity, relaxation, sarcasm, stay, stay-at-home, where

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45 shares on Slack this month:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

85 shares on Discord this month:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

96 shares on X this month:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m an adult. I can do whatever I want. And yet, here I am just doing laundry, eating salads, taking antidepressants, flossing my teeth, and going on little walks. Like an IDIOT.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

81 shares on Threads this month:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

74 shares on Discord this month:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Just once I’d like my dog to give me a treat.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m not super into getting older but I do like how nobody asks me to help them move anymore.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The smarter you are, the more important it is for you to figure out how to think less.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Just landed via Pinterest:

Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.

Just shared via Facebook:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

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Activity Log ✨

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Honey, get in the car. We have to go to the store because we’re retarded, and it’s Christmas Eve.

Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

The fewer friends at your birthday party means more cake for you. Follow me for more life hacks.

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