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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Someone at work just farted and I panicked and said ‘compliments to the chef’.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,570

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Shared recently on Instagram:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

Breaking via WeChat:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Spotted on Slack:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Breaking via Messenger:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Spotted on Twitch:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Just landed via Snapchat:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes… because who needs arm mobility anyway, right? 💪👚 #priorities"

fitness, goal, health, humor, jacket, joke, lose, loss, straight, straight jacket, weight, weight loss

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

2 months ago

attention, attraction, humor, people, personality
I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

2 months ago

contain, craziness, expression, humor, i, lid, personality, popping, self-control
Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

2 months ago

activity, daily, daily routine, day, every, frustration, golf, humor, joke, just, leisure, old, old people, people, routine, shit, sick, something, whack
Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

2 months ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, danger, humor, i, serious, seriousness, society
Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

1 month ago

breakfast, days, dinner, food, freedom, fun, humor, life, lifestyle, live, living, meal, own, terms
Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

2 months ago

annoying, comments, enhance, entertainment, experience, humor, i, movie, opinion, people

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

Adulthood is just saying “it is what it is,” and then crying in your car to a song from 2012.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”

38 shares on Facebook this month:

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

I treat people the way I want to be treated by not leaving the house.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

I want to be in Metallica, and they will not let me.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

43 shares on Snapchat this month:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Mixing 1% milk and 2% milk to create the forbidden 1.72% milk.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

ChatGPT is down right now and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

Breaking via Telegram:

You’re in her DMs. I’m accidentally reposting reels of Tibetan foxes because I don’t know how to use the app anymore.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m attracted to people that no one pays attention to.

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨