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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Googling what ASAP means, and having a panic attack.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

Going viral on Messenger:

Baby, we believe in God around here, I don’t care what’s trending these days.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Naked and Afraid because there’s a spider in the shower with me.

Making waves on Messenger:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Going viral on Discord:

Google Maps should not count towards my screen time. I’m not addicted to my phone, I’m disoriented.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Shared recently on X:

I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Seen just now on Facebook:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about household chaos and humor in searching for the remote control.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When finding the remote needs military precision. Everyone, prepare for 'Operation Sofa Search'! 🛋️🔍🤣"

comedy, control, everyone, family, household, humor, husband, i, joke, looking, minute, need, relationship, remote, remote control, stand, stand-up

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Telegram this month:

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you’re up to.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being strange is exhausting.

52 shares on Reddit this month:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

I love that retail therapy works on me. I am so much happier and at peace when I’m buying things for myself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Womansplaining is when a woman tries to explain to you what you’re thinking/feeling, and is just totally 100% wrong.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

That urge to nap between 3pm – 5pm is no joke.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I thought I needed a drink. Turns out what I really needed was a divorce.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Are you the sun? Because you need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me.

Going viral on Slack:

Every day is a D-Day, if you’re a stutterer.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Freshly posted on Discord:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Making waves on YouTube:

Dear Snapchat memory, that’s not my friend anymore.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Just shared via Discord:

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

Making waves on Facebook:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

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Activity Log ✨

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

Gender and sexuality aside, I believe everyone just wants someone who wears short shorts and makes a lot of noise in bed.

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨