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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

I’m looking for a moisturizer to hide the fact that I’ve been tired since 2010.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

I don’t miss calls, I stare at them.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why stop there? Let's have a year-round rotational mansion: Halloween House, Turkey Tavern, Christmas Cabin! 🎃🦃🏠"

Christmas, December, decoration, decorations, easier, family, family life, holiday, house, humor, husband, life, moved, moving, said, taking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

0

2 months ago

apple, avoidance, away, day, doctor, eat, eating, everyone, food, health, humor, i, interaction, joke, keep, keeps, need, say, social, social interaction
If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

0

2 months ago

anger, cape, ever, fun, humor, joke, mad, me, playful, put, sarcasm, super, superhero, teasing, wit, yourself
I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, election, Google, googled, humor, i, just, need, over, politics, relief, symptoms
I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

0

2 months ago

art, art museum, decide, fear, humor, keep, me, museum, museum visit, scared, visit
I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

0

2 months ago

die, evolve, humor, i, life, motivation, prime
Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedtime, busy, comfort, excuse, feet, foot, foot rub, got, grasshopper, humor, i, laziness, little, pajamas, procrastination, rub, showered, sorry, together, tonight

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Forgetting your phone at home is the modern equivalent of leaving your sword behind in medieval times.

64 shares on Discord this month:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My body is in shock this morning from having to wake up early and wear hard pants.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

51 shares on Facebook this month:

When one door closes, lock it securely, along with all your other doors and windows, before any inspirational quotes get in.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Broadcasted on Slack:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Clubbing is a phase that you must go through and get over.

Just landed via Facebook:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Just shared via Slack:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Just shared via X:

Adulthood is just saying “it is what it is,” and then crying in your car to a song from 2012.

Breaking via X:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode them bikes when we were younger.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Making waves on Discord:

Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨