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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Every time I get the urge to clean, I watch Hoarders and I decide my house isn’t that dirty after all.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Trending via Telegram:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Shared recently on Telegram:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Facing my fears like a true warrior, one notification at a time! 📱😅🛡️

anxiety, back, face, fear, fears, humor, i, phone, procrastination, said, should, therapist, therapy, turned

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

0

2 months ago

answer, avoidance, conversation, humor, i, idea, interaction, just, know, mean, reluctance, social, social interaction, want
They should invent a day where I feel normal.

0

5 months ago

day, feel, feeling, humor, i, invent, invention, normal, sarcasm, should, where
I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

0

2 months ago

back, connection, happiness, i, interaction, love, me, moment, nice, smile, stranger, strangers
Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

0

2 months ago

apology, distraction, driving, humor, posts, sorry, texting, texting while driving, typo, while
Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

0

2 months ago

2012, after, apology, defense, hand, humor, i, media, phone, post, second, social, social media, sorry, time
My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

0

5 months ago

comment, comments, concern, concerns, criticism, decor, deep, home, home decor, humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

82 shares on X this month:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

99 shares on Threads this month:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

I’m starting to think the voice in my head doesn’t like me very much.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Making waves on X:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Just landed via Telegram:

Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Dinosaurs are always described as “roaming” the earth, which is patronizing as hell, I bet they had places to go and important shit to do.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Seen just now on Telegram:

There is too much happening for mid-December. Where are the canceled meetings? Why are we not circling back next year?

Making waves on Facebook:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Going viral on YouTube:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Seen just now on X:

Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

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Activity Log ✨

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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