Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

My southern family thinks my daily routine in NYC is that I wake up, try really hard not to get stabbed by a knife, and then I go see a musical.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

They should add a live chat to every Wikipedia article.

Shared recently on Discord:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Trending via Slack:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Trending via Threads:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Trending via TikTok:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Going viral on Twitch:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Trending via Twitch:

Do you enjoy addiction, anxiety, and urinating? Then coffee may be the beverage for you.

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

2 months ago

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When your toy game isn't strong enough for the virtual playdate 😂🧸📱

back, call, childhood, Facetime, family, humiliating, humiliation, i, me, nephew, relationship, sharing, show, sibling, sibling relationship, technology, toy, toys, video, video call

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Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Facebook this month:

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

77 shares on Facebook this month:

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

97 shares on Slack this month:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I don’t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. That’s like your coworker, dude.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

Making waves on Messenger:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Broadcasted on Discord:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.

Breaking via Instagram:

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

Just shared via Slack:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

If you breakdance you buy dance.

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

If you breakdance you buy dance.

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨