No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.

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Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

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Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

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One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

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The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression.

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My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

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I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

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Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

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Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

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I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

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It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.