No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Nothing prepared me for the part of adulthood where you look like a baby deer learning to walk every time you get out of bed in the morning.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

My life is ruined. I wish to live no more. Never mind, I found the remote.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.