Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

They should invent friends whose schedules line up with yours.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I wonder whatever happened to the tiny dogs all of those terrible women were carrying around in their purses.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

People thinking you’re dumb is one of the best advantages you can have.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

If I was God, I would’ve equipped women with venom glands.

Just landed via Instagram:

To be fair, a dumpster is like one of the safest places to have a fire.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I once quit a job, and when my boss asked why, I simply said, “I hate it here.” Best day of my life.

Making waves on Threads:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Trending via YouTube:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My dog sighs a lot for someone who doesn’t pay any bills.

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When you're the wise sage to someone who's still learning how to adult 😂🧓👶

2, age, calls, humor, interaction, nobody, observation, old, people, person, social, social interaction, younger, younger person

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

0

2 months ago

humor, life, nap, problem, relaxation, rest, solution, wrong
There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, day, doing, doing nothing, enough, hours, humor, laziness, me, nothing, procrastination, time
During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, argument, arguments, bang, comedy, disappear, flash, frustration, humor, i, idiots, sarcasm, self-expression, thinking, throw, wish, wishful, wishful thinking, witty
I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

0

2 months ago

bomb, comparison, flower, fragile, humor, irony, toughness
The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, confidence, count, drinks, humor, just, normal, normal person, party, person, relaxation, social, social anxiety, socializing, turn
Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

0

2 months ago

boss, boundary, communication, humor, i, office, rejection, responsibility, tell, want, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

58 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have poor night vision so I upgraded to LED headlights because it’s important to me to ensure nobody else can see either.

42 shares on Discord this month:

There is no actual wolf in Wolf of Wall Street.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved”.

15 shares on Threads this month:

My wife bought new towels and they’re different colors, so I know the entire color scheme of my house is about to change.

69 shares on Slack this month:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I have a very particular set of useless skills.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

An Amish party in the desert called churning man.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Just shared via WeChat:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Live now on Slack:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Just landed via Messenger:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Travelling through the US by car is beautiful because you feel like a blood cell in a very sick man’s body.

Spotted on Twitch:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Just shared via Discord:

How coked up was the guy that came up with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Going viral on Twitch:

If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨