Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Tai Chi is so crazy because it’s like throwing a slow motion tantrum.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Hey there, Delilah, what’s it like in new orc city?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

You should be able to call in sad to work.