Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

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The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

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They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

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Weddings should have a worst man.

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NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

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I didn’t buy that thing I wanted but didn’t need, so I celebrated by buying a different thing I wanted but didn’t need.

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All my small talk is done with a car horn.

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Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

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You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

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You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

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If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.