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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

They should have a section on the wing of the plane where people can go out for a cigarette.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Donuts have holes in them, just like acoustic guitars, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

615 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,208

Funny Quotes Topics

17,340

Funny Quotes Images

15,208

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Making waves on Messenger:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Just shared via Reddit:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Breaking via TikTok:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Just shared via Messenger:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Going viral on Slack:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Just landed via Slack:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Making waves on Facebook:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Making waves on X:

Dear Santa, Money!

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

20 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your shopping cart has more commitment issues than your ex! 📦😂📦

Amazon, business, consumer, delivery, humor, i, me, none, oh, online, online shopping, package, please, self-awareness, shopping, tell, tracking, year

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

0

2 months ago

bush, deforestation, euphemism, gardening, humor, trimming, wordplay
If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

0

2 months ago

break, bring, child, curiosity, expensive, humor, item, just, kid, mishap, parenting, shopping, store
Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

0

2 months ago

babe, humor, morning, outside, stupid, wake, wake up
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

0

2 months ago

Facebook, glasses, life, people, social media, sunglasses
I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

0

2 months ago

arson, comedy, count, humor, i, joke, light, lit, never, room, self-deprecation, wit
The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

0

2 months ago

best, capitalism, done, food, humor, little, noodles, observation, pasta, perspective, put, thing, window, world

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on X this month:

I say things I don’t mean on spicy chicken.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

When something Asian becomes popular enough, it becomes Mexican.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

30 shares on Facebook this month:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

67 shares on Slack this month:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

92 shares on Slack this month:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Mentally saying “Wed-Nes-Day” when writing the word Wednesday.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Making waves on Facebook:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Just shared via X:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Just shared via TikTok:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Breaking via Snapchat:

When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

Just shared via Facebook:

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Seen just now on Discord:

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨