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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Should I be worried that buzzards circle me when I go for a run?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,239

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Threads:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

Just shared via Telegram:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Breaking via Reddit:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Just shared via Pinterest:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Seen just now on X:

If you’re late for work, don’t forget to look mad when you walk in.

Just landed via TikTok:

It’s weird how horses can run so fast but still suck at every other sport.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Adulting level unlocked: Realizing the "There's food at home" prophecy was true all along! 🍞🏠😂

budgeting, food, grocery, grocery shopping, home, humor, i, mom, money, once, own, parenting, realization, right, shopping, spending, started

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

0

2 months ago

activity, before, best, dating, freedom, fun, fun activity, independence, life, meet, pre-meet, relationship, single, single life
Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

0

2 months ago

coping, everything, fine, gaslight, health, humor, irony, mental, mental health, needs, self, therapy, thinking, yourself
What are cats even trying to do?

0

5 months ago

cat, cats, curiosity, even, humor, question, trying
Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

0

2 months ago

effort, humor, lazy, need, philosophy, procrastination, reach, rule
You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

0

2 months ago

being, communication, engagement, humor, insult, media, much, social, social media, tried
“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

0

2 months ago

attempt, decision making, going, humor, mindset, problem, self-reflection, situation, thinking, try, underthinking, works

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m going to hell if anybody needs anything.

97 shares on Pinterest this month:

You were there at the beginning of the Internet if you’ve heard the following: “Get off the web, I need to make a call!”

75 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry I’m late, there was bubble wrap.

94 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

77 shares on Threads this month:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Last time I laid on his chest, I heard girls in there laughing at me.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I wish rolling your eyes burned calories.

Spotted on Slack:

Grammar is important. It’s the difference between feeling your nuts and feeling you’re nuts.

Spotted on Slack:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Going bananas on Discord:

Unfollowing high school people really is a form of self-care.

Going viral on WeChat:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

Breaking via X:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

For Halloween, you should be mine.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Who needs therapy when you can gaslight yourself into thinking that everything is fine?

What are cats even trying to do?

Lazy Rule: Can’t reach it, don’t need it.

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨