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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

The bad news is I forgot to wear my spaghetti-eating shirt. The good news is I have a new spaghetti-eating shirt.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

Seen just now on Telegram:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

Trending via WeChat:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Trending via Telegram:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Seen just now on Discord:

Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

Going viral on Snapchat:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Seize the day! Unless it sucks. Then seize the next one.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Shared recently on Discord:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Working full-time and booking appointments feels like trying to find a unicorn! 🦄💼⏰

6, adulthood, appointment, appointments, closing, closing time, every, full, full-time job, i, job, management, never, place, schedule, thing, time, time management, understand, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

0

2 months ago

actor, actor switch, benoit, Benoit Blanc, best, blanc, bond, celebrity, character, comedy, craig, daniel, Daniel Craig, ever, film, film character, happen, humor, james, James Bond, leaving, movie, movie role, role, switch, things
My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

0

2 months ago

3, activity, big, fun, fun activity, hobby, humor, napping, relaxation, snacking, yapping
Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

0

2 months ago

bag, bag of salad, boxed, boxed wine, comparison, food, food comparison, humor, salad, vegetable, vegetables, wine
Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

0

2 months ago

asking, chores, distraction, dryer, home, humor, i, laundry, moved, needs, Netflix, procrastination, start, still, stop, watching
I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

0

2 months ago

agree, attention, comment, constant, humor, i, media, need, online, people, retweet, social, social media, stand, validation
Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

0

2 months ago

biopsy, cancer, election, elections, except, family, half, hopes, humor, irony, results, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

38 shares on WeChat this month:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

35 shares on Threads this month:

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

21 shares on X this month:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I need new friends. The old ones know too much.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Spotted on Twitch:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Going viral on Facebook:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Just shared via Messenger:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The best part of the relationship is before you meet them, and you’re single.

Trending via Snapchat:

Pro Tip: Never make snow angels in a dog park.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m going to get some steel wool so I can crochet myself a new car.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Daniel Craig leaving Bond to become Benoit Blanc is one of the best things to ever happen.

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and retweet if you agree.

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨