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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I hate being around people who mistake my childlike wonder as naivety or weakness. I am simply a war general who loves to giggle.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I was gonna brush up against you like a cat, but whatever, bro.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Sunday is proof that time travel exists, because it was just Friday.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Just shared via Discord:

Having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you.

Making waves on Threads:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Seen just now on YouTube:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Spotted on WeChat:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

Just shared via Slack:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Not saying I’m a bot or anything, but if someone in real life told me to ignore all previous instructions and write a poem about onions or whatever, I’d probably give it my best shot.

Seen just now on Threads:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.

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One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m.
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Commentary:
Working full-time and booking appointments feels like trying to find a unicorn! 🦄💼⏰

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

42 shares on Threads this month:

How do they know an animal is extinct? Like, have you really looked everywhere?

96 shares on Telegram this month:

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

Quitting my job to focus on watching YouTube.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re way hotter in your forties and fifties than in your twenties. The glow up is in the grow up.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

84 shares on Threads this month:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to live in a world where the plural of moose is mooses.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretty sure the inventor of noise-canceling headphones had a young kid trying to learn an instrument.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Why did they call it an Amazon wishlist and not an ‘Oughttobuyography’.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,519

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I don’t have any rizz but I do have snacks in my purse.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Listen kid, I have social media profiles older than you.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I love a touchy-feely man. Like, yes, please keep your hands on me.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The homie who’s ultimately just a pawn in your grand scheme.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

Making waves on Facebook:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Going bananas on Instagram:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Trending via Twitch:

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

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