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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Monday? But, I wasn’t even finished with Saturday yet.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

They say we learn from our mistakes. That’s why I’m making as many as possible… I’ll be a genius soon.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

335 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,928

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,928

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,601

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Through repetition and sheer will I’ve mastered gracefully falling on my head.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Just landed via Slack:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess I'll just have to start mailing my cologne samples with my profile now 😂💌 #SmellYaLater

attraction, communication, dating, factor, humor, important, interaction, love, online, online dating, online interaction, relationship, scent, stupid

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

1 month ago

comedy, dating, humor, order, relationship, restraining, restraining order, robot, sex, sex robot, status, technology
I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

1 month ago

activity, both, friend, fun, God, hang, hang out, humor, i, same, test, testing, time, us
Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

1 month ago

back, back pain, funny injury, humor, injury, overwhelming, pain, self-deprecation, sensuality
It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

5 months ago

always, anxiety, deadly, deadly disease, disease, health, huge, humor, joke, list, loss, reading, relief, symptom, symptoms, unexplained, unexplained weight loss, weight
Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

1 month ago

activity, coconut, creativity, drink, fun, fun activity, humor, i, lime, lyric, party, put, song, song lyric, tropical
Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

1 month ago

beginning, cars, deer, front, humor, irony, sacrifice, throw, understand, understanding, wildlife

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I think that police officers on foot should wear blue flashing sneakers.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Seen just now on X:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Live now on Slack:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Just shared via Threads:

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

Seen just now on Slack:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

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Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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